The roar of the crowd - Day 46

Talented singer and cabaret artiste Kiki DeVille.

Today I cancelled the one and only gig I've have since March. It was for New Year's Eve was to perform mix n' mingle Close-Up Magic for guests enjoying a meal in a pub restaurant.

I was worried about it. I was so worried that I didn't sleep much last night. In 26 years of being a professional entertainer, I've only cancelled one gig and that was because I'd broken a rib after running into a tree. (A story for another time!)

But after a year isolated in my little Cumbrian cottage, it doesn't seem sensible to perform in an environment where it's going to be almost impossible to be socially distanced. Let's alone, 'pick a card any card'.

Showbiz wise, that it's until 2021.

In one way, it's a relief. After 8 months not performing, I've lost my confidence. During my sleepless night, I was wondering whether I can still call myself a magician even. I suppose until 2021, it doesn't matter much does it? I think what matters is to keep healthy and protect the people around us.

But a Facebook post from a cabaret friend of mine made me think.

Kiki DeVille, a beautiful cabaret chanteuse wrote:

"I'm broken. I've stayed upbeat. I've limited moaning about it. I've diversified in order to earn money to pay my bills. I've tried to do positive things to stay creative.

But I didn't realise how much I rely on audiences and my colleagues for emotional support. I didn't know that not performing would leave me feeling empty and unfulfilled in so many ways. I didn't realise how much I need you all to tell me I'm pretty!!

I know how she feels. There is something glorious about performing in the spotlights. In that magical light we are our best selves, we become magical beings. This is why we risk so much and work so hard for the chance to work in the theatre, heaven knows it's not for the money.

One thing performers have learnt during these eight months of not performing is how much we get back from our audience. They are our mirror, their applause our recognition. Without them, what is the point of crafting a speech or timing a comic pause?

Feeling this today, I went for a walk, made some bread, did some painting. Not much. But then I looked on Facebook and saw a notification from the group that I'm in for the https://www.mymenopausetransformation.com course I'm following.

Oh look, lovely Dr Wendy Sweet-Smith just changed the group header photo to this one!

I looked on the page and several of the ladies had posted reviews of Spun Into Gold saying how much they had enjoyed it. And whoosh, that warm glow of appreciation washed over me and I suddenly felt my work was worthwhile.

Rushing to make a short video 'thank you' for Wendy and the ladies, I put on a nicer top and some make-up. That done, I thought I might as well a few more videos for the on-line course I'm meant to be creating but which I've been procrastinating about. A couple of hours later, I felt much better, just for getting something done.

Maybe, as my performance diary continues to be empty, it 's probably a good idea to investigate how I can replace the encouragement from the audience by something else.

I'll have a ponder!

Love love love

Romany

So my friends, here is my challenge.

I will share Spun Into Gold - The Secret Life of a Female Magician with over a Magical Million readers.

It's available worldwide in paperback and on audiobook, narrated by yours truly and has received 97% 5 star reviews and lots of personal letters saying how much people have enjoyed it.