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Sometimes you screw up! Day 54

I was so excited. It's the first time I've been motivated and excited by showbiz for months. A magical gift appeared last month in the form of a professional grant writer who offered to help me apply for a grant from the Arts Council to create a new show.

I've never applied to the Arts Council before. I always figured it would take less effort to get some gigs in the diary than apply for funding, plus the application process seemed a huge mystery. For the last 26 years I've used my own money to fund my work. Admittedly my tax bills have been tiny since I spent most of my gig income on research and development, new props, new magic tricks. Magic is expensive, especially if you try out a whole bunch of tricks before deciding on the one to put in a show. Spending four days one to one with the best director in the world in Canada doesn't come cheap.

But of course, this year, there is no magic income. The idea of getting paid to write a new show was wonderful. This grant would support me to do new creative work for four months. After that, once the new show was written, costumed and rehearsed, I could apply for another grant to actually get it out to theatres - if theatres are even going to be open this winter.

My imagination started to turn and the grant fundraiser helped me write my application. I edited it, then all I had to do was to submit it to the grant website before the deadline in two days time. Simple. Except that when I started to submit the application last night, I realised that I had to register an interest first. I thought I already had but I'd only created an account apparently. Once you click on the box of the grant you are applying for, that registration process takes five days. I had missed the deadline.

Oh. It was as if a wonderful summer party I was looking forward to going to, the only party all year, had been cancelled. By me. I felt like an idiot. Only half an idiot because the application website is tricky, but still. Now the year seemed to stretch ahead again with no deadlines, no urgency, no magic income, no creative buzz. Poo.

So here we are.

What do you do when you mess up?

You spend the afternoon watching Carpool with James Corden, Barbra Streisand, Celine Dion, Adele and other stars. I'm a huge James Corden fan. He did a REALLY good deed for me personally that I am sworn to secrecy about. You put more wood on the fire and make another hot drink. You give yourself a break. Then you claim back your power. I am a magician after all. A wizard, an artist, a conscious creator.

I rang my good friend Nicky Mitchell. "Tomorrow we are going to start with mediation, some written manifestation exercises. We will write down the story we want to create. We will commit to doing one small step towards it. Then we'll take a photo and swop so we're accountable." She agreed. We've done it before but we'd fallen into lazy habits. That's ok. Starting again is easy to do.

But not today. Today is a chill and rest and go gentle day.

Tomorrow we start again.

Look after yourselves, it's a tricky time and sometimes things are not as clear as they might be.

Maybe you'd enjoy a bit of Carpool too.

Love love love


So my friends, here is my challenge.

I will share Spun Into Gold - The Secret Life of a Female Magician with over a Magical Million readers.

I promise to bring you my almost daily efforts and adventures on the path.

I also promise not to give up for one magical year and a day!

Thank you for keeping me company.

Off we go!

A million readers here we come!

It's available worldwide in paperback and on audiobook, narrated by yours truly and has received 97% 5 star reviews from 300 reviews worldwide and lots of personal messages saying how much people have enjoyed it.

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and NOW as a downloadable E-Book for £4.99 on my Website Shop.

All that's needed to reach over a million readers is an extra special swirl of golden magic, positive thought and help from my friends.

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